11/12/2025

Hello there, I can see that you have finally gotten around to using up the food in the freezer. Though none of the meals make you salivate, if you do not listen to my advice, then your wife will find you dead with your face in your plate.

Your first option might be to consume the steak and mash from earlier in the year. If you do choose this option then make sure that you do not put it in the microwave for too long. Steak might need the full eight minutes, but mash potato does not. The moment you take a big spoonful of the mash it will burn your throat, but in such a way that the mash sticks and blocks the hole. Choking and burning simultaneously is not an ideal death.

The next option is the green curry, now I can see why you made the error, as you thought to yourself “a green curry should be green,” but not that kind of green. Just throw it out, the vomiting and eventual death is not worth it.

Your last choice is the “spag bog” as you call it. This is actually a fine choice, but just be careful that when you leave it heated on the counter that the cat will come to consume. You will swipe, it will dodge, the meal will fly into the wall, it will rebound into your face, you will slip, and you will die. Honestly, the number of times that you can simply slip, and die must give you great anxiety, like each step on any surface could be your last… Perhaps not, best not to think of it. Regardless, choose wisely.

From Death