2/01/2025

Good morning, I heard you are renovating your office at work, having moved from your current one to the bigger one across the floor. I think that is great, however, as always with my letters to you, unless you read and follow my words, that new office will be the last room you ever enter. Your biggest problem is time, you committed yourself to renovating the office, as you had been putting it off for weeks but also have committed to lunch with your family and after the last family dinner, where they created a new term to describe when someone is late to a gathering after you, you cannot be late again. This is crucial, you will need to choose to either be late or pause your work and return to it later. I think the latter, personally, but it is your call. The problem is when you are rushing is that you become careless in your choices, for example, deciding to heat your breakfast up by moving the office microwave into your office and then forgetting to remove the aluminium foil. In addition, due to the rush, you fail to notice the sparks and flames as you try and plan out your list. Only when the smoke alarm and the sprinklers activate do you notice the problem and after being drenched and evacuating, and apologising to both the firefighters and your boss, you return to your office and decide to continue working. To remove the smell of burnt breakfast, you open a window, this however attracts a particularly loud bird, who lands on the bottom edge of the open window and begins to heckle you. You at first ignore it, it is just a bird, and you are trying to hammer in a nail to hang up a picture frame of your wife, but it squawks at just the right time so that you miss the nail and strike the wall instead, putting a hole in it. You try to shoo the bird away, after cursing about the new hole, but the bird does not move so you swing the hammer at it. This makes it fly away, and you shake your head, returning to the nail and rushing more, having added to your jobs for the day. Just when you are about to hammer again, you stop, watching out of the corner of your eye and seeing the bird return and look at you, opening its beak, but waiting. You decide to do the wise thing and close the window, smirking at the bird. You turn back to the nail and swing, just as the bird taps against the window with its beak, causing you to miss and strike your own hand that steadied the nail. Far more cursing and when you look up at the bird, you were certain that it smirked back at you and in your pain and anger, you tossed your hammer at it, smashing the glass window and sending the hammer down to the street below, where a man about to restart smoking after quitting for a few weeks is almost hit, and quickly throws the packet away, deciding that the universe gave him a sign. Here, you could have gone down and grabbed your hammer and cleaned up the glass but you were rushing and with now even more work to be done, you decided to grab any tool, in this case a completely metal wrench and smack the nail in. Here, you hit the nail, hard and fast, but this is a mistake. You see, if you had looked into the new hole that you had made you would have noticed electrical wires and perhaps you would not have struck the nail quite so hard, where you not angry at yourself for the office destruction and rushing. The nail goes in, it pierces the wires, the current goes up through the metal nail, through the metal wrench and through your heart, and you drop dead. You are found an hour later when the same firefighters return after there were complaints of more smoke coming out of the window. While your family mourns the firefighters will come up with a new term to describe someone doing something dumb and will promptly name it after you. To avoid all of this, make sure you know that you do not need to get it all done before your lunch. Don’t burn your breakfast, check the wall for wires and ignore the bird. However, if you could still throw the hammer out of the window so the smoker doesn’t smoke, that would be beneficial, try not to kill him though, just scare him. Also, at the family dinner, avoid the sausages, they look real, but your brother’s vegan wife made them. They are a trap.

From Death.