21/1/2025

Good evening, I know you have had a brilliant idea and honestly, it is good, taking your wife to the beach and walking along the jetty. It will be a lovely experience for you and your wife, but, as with all my letters, you must step carefully, or you will become chum for the fishes. As you walk, there will be many lovely sights, such as the setting sun and the clear ocean below. You will hold her hand and enjoy the fresh air, then a pod of six dolphins will come swim up to edge of the jetty. They seem to smile at you and your wife will rush to record the amazing moment… and then drop her phone into the water. There will be several moments, where you both watch the phone fall and plop into the water, unable to move from shock. In this shock you make your first poor decision and jump off the jetty after it. This is when you notice that the water is not as deep as you once thought and your foot breaks against a rock. In your screaming and flailing, you hit a dolphin pup, quite hard and the pod of dolphins turn on you. They charge you, smacking you with their bodies and breaking your ribs before turning and swimming away. Your wife will be screaming but you will not hear her, instead, in a pain induced delirium, you will ignore all else and see the phone sitting on the rocky floor. You hobble over, paddling through the water and duck your head to reach it and while you grasp it, your broken ribs forbid you from moving your body back up above the water. You panic, the burning of drowning throbbing in your throat and your eyes closing. You might think that this is where you die, but no, you do not, for the phone had landed in a crab net and few men who watched your wife scream rushed over and lifted the crab net, and you, above the water. You gasp in relief and look up and smile at your wife just as the rope breaks, sending you back down, head first, and breaking your head open against another rock. This is where you will die. So, in order to avoid it follow these simple pieces of advice. First, tell your wife to not drop her phone, second, don’t let her rush off after the dolphins, they will be there a while. The last thing is do not jump into the jetty and could you tell that to the other couple who come five minutes after you arrive? The husband is going to do the same thing that you did when his wife drops her phone, but would have seen your death and thought it best not to. He is wearing a large hat, just tell him how shallow the water is, he will get the message. Anyways, enjoy the evening.

From Death.