04/02/2025

Good afternoon, I know you are in the middle of preparing food for the evenings party, an event promoted as a fun and festive gathering exploring the food from various cultures. You are bringing your own cultural foods, with your wife bringing spiced barbeque chicken from her native homeland; you’re making Fairy Bread. Anyway, I am here to warn you of the possibility of your death, so do exactly as I say. The first thing is to make sure you completely defrost the chicken, I know it was a last-minute decision to make more and you are worried that you will be late, just accept that you will arrive after it begins, otherwise you will serve undercooked chicken. It is important that you understand why you must take the time to defrost the chicken, because if you do not then this is what will happen. As you rush in and dump your food on the table, while everyone has already started eating, you will quickly snatch a plate to join it. There are four meals to avoid. First is Jenny’s German Sausage, it looks interesting, but she used expired pork. Second is Selvi’s Sri Lankan Curry, which has nothing wrong with it but is too spicy for you and will lead to you quickly cool your mouth with the third meal, Sam’s Swedish ice cream. They made the slight error of using the wrong milk, the one that had been left in the sun all day. The last meal to avoid is your own barbeque chicken, as the parts you eat will still be raw. Any one of those will make you feel sick, all of them, that will kill you. Your stomach will feel like it is burning and once you finish covering the table in vomit and bile, you will fall face first into it, you will die the next day, spending your last moments in complete agony. In addition to fixing your own meal, make sure you avoid the others and make sure your wife avoids them, but you can still eat the Sri Lankan Curry, just eat rice and bread after. Also, Love says you should not gloat to your wife when everyone compliments you on the Fairy Bread, she will not find it as funny as you do.

From Death