06/05/2026

Good morning, a bit warm but nonetheless beautiful. I know you are keen to get to work on your garden, you do have a lot to dig up, and you want to get started before it gets too warm, but you must read this carefully, otherwise in your rashness, you will dash to your death.

First, I would recommend that you stretch, take a few minutes to really work the lower back because if you don’t, you will strain it and that will be bad. Not just because of the pain, but the frustration, you see when hurt you tend to get frustrated, angry, and that is not wise.

The second recommendation is that you pace yourself, yes, you wish to get it all done today but you won’t, even if you force yourself. You need to remember that because otherwise, again, you will become frustrated. This frustration is something that you need to work on my friend because it is the cause of much of your demises.

Anyway, I am getting off topic, the first two are recommendations but this last one is a requirement, ring your local council. I know it is a pain and I know that not only are they only open in the smallest possible hours and their automated phone service is as useful as a knife in a cup of melted ice cream, but you need to speak to them because, unknown to you, there is a gas pipe that flows directly under your garden. Now hitting the gas pipe with your shovel is bad, doing so when enraged due to a sore back and lack of progress is deadly. The expulsion of gas will send that shovel straight back from where it came and that will take you out, not completely though, as your head will land right over the new hole and all that gas will be sucked in by you and you will suffocate.

In conclusion, stretch, be realistic and ring the council.

From Your Guardian Angel