07/08/2025

Hello again, I heard that you are about to travel with your wife. While I am sure it is going to be a lovely trip, it will be less pleasant if you die while flying through the sky, so listen up. The first mistake that you will make is packing the large water bottles for you and your wife. The issue is not that you wished to keep hydrated, but that you filled them up before going through security. The problem is that they leak, and the security guard will ask you to pour it out. You, not wanting to waste water, skull both bottles. This is a terrible choice, let me be clear, either fill them up at the airport or just pour them out.

Next, as you board the plane, you will see two people sit down. One behind you and one in front, these two will determine if you survive or not. The man in front, who from the moment the plane takes off, reclines his seat. This will obviously irritate you and so you will ask for him to pull his seat up, to which he will recline it further. In response, you will push his seat up, aggressively. He will slam it back into you and you will slam it back up. This back and forth will continue until he strikes you in the stomach and all that water that you had skulled at the security gate will rush back up and out your mouth, drenching his face. In his rage he will turn and punch you in the throat, killing you from the blow.

Now you might think that the solution here would be to swap seats with your wife, but that will not help because you will find yourself more annoyed that this man is imposing himself within your wife’s space. A similar altercation will occur, and you will die the same way. You have two options, as I assume ignoring the oaf is not viable. The first option would be for you to tolerate the man for thirty minutes, which will be unpleasant but once he is asleep, you can then shift him, or undo his seat belt and watch as the turbulence forces him out of his seat and head first into the ceiling, knocking him out. The second will be linked to your next problem. Now, in addition to the oaf in front, you also have the brat behind. This brat, a young girl, will be sitting behind your wife, were you to take the aisle seat as you usually do. During the flight she will be a pest, she will kick both your seats, pull your wife’s hair and even put gum in it. When you turn to speak to the girl’s mother, well you will understand why the young girl is such a brat. Finally, you yell at the kid, telling to knock it off. The mother will get defensive and in the ensuing argument, the kid will prod you in the stomach with her phone, which will cause you to vomit. Once the girl is covered, the mother will hit you in the head with her bag, which contains many of her child’s electronic devices. The first hit won’t kill you, but as you fall to the ground, the third and fourth will.

How can you avoid your doom? Well, this is where you can use the two problems against each other. Before you sit down in your seat, you will see a pink bag in the overhead storage compartment, take it when nobody is looking, and place it under the seat of the oaf who sits in front of you. You will need to endure a little bit of his reclining and the young girl’s antics, but soon, she will want another device. As the mother goes to get it, she will see it under the seat of the oaf and assume that he stole it. She will accuse him, and he will start to scream back. The two will be standing in the middle of the plane screaming at each other, and then the turbulence will come in. They will bump heads and not awake until the end of the flight. The turbulence also causes the brat to choke on her gum and while I was fine with letting her choke, Love insisted that I encourage you to save her. So, if you could strike her back a few times that would be great. Don’t worry, her throat will be so sore from it that she won’t speak, and she will be so scared that she will do nothing except sit quietly in her seat. Anyway, enjoy your flight.

From Death.