11/02/2025

Good morning, I know you are in a rush to pack the car with your bags (and your wife) but I need you to take a moment to read this as, in several hours, you are about to enter a pillar of potential death; city carparking. There are so many options to park in the city and all will lead to your demise so just do as I say. When you enter and are fairly close to your destination there will be an above ground carpark that you choose to enter, don’t change that but there are several places within the carpark that you need to avoid. The first two floors are completely full, so we’ll start at the third level. There is one spot, but it is quite tight and if you choose to park there then your wife will not be able to get out. You will attempt to repark but then you will be unable to get out and, in your frustration, you will smack the driver’s window with your phone, which will shatter the glass. The glass will then bounce off the concrete pillar that is stopping you from opening your door and you will bounce back into the car and slice your throat. You might think to go into the parking spot on level four, but this is also a bad idea. You see the park is very tight and even though you manage to get in and have both doors open, in your joy you will walk into the way of a car that will run you down and kill you. You might think to just park there and not celebrate, but you would be surprised the number of opportunities another car has to run you down, so just avoid it. On the fifth floor there will be a park and there will be no car to run you down, but if you park there you will get into the elevator with a man who has had a bad day and then the elevator will stop on the fourth floor and another man will enter who also had a bad day. Note here that both of these men would have run you down if you had parked on the fourth floor. Anyway, the two men take one look at each other before brawling and, while heroically guarding your wife, you will catch a knife to the heart and die. You might think to not get in the elevator, but for some reason the man on the same level as you will take that personally and while you could take the stairs, the woman who would have run you down if you had parked on the fourth floor would bump into your wife and try to knock her down the stairs, to which you would dive and catch her, saving your wife at the cost of yours. You might ask why I did not say that she was having a bad day, and the reason is she wasn’t, she is a psychopath, she just wanted to push your wife down. On the six floor there is a lovely spot that you will want to park in but just avoid it, when you get into the spot a nervous learning driver will panic when she sees a bee in her care and slams down on the accelerator and drives into your car, pushing it forward and through the railing, and you will land six levels down in the street, neither of you will survive. What does that leave you with? Well, the seventh floor, where any park will do. You can even catch the elevator, just take the one on the right and you will be fine. The other elevator will take a very long time to get back up with the two dead bodies inside. Also, Love says that you should surprise your wife with some flowers, as it is the day before her birthday, which you know, of course.