13/05/2026

Good… what do you say when it is exactly noon? Hello, I suppose, so hello there. I can see that you are just about to go clothes shopping with your lovely wife, good. However, you need to stay focussed on this trip, because otherwise it will be the last one you ever do.

You will visit three different stores and for each one you need to stay alert. The first stop will be that fancy shoe place that your wife loves, the one with the worker with the face of a twelve-year-old. All you need to do is stay focussed on your wife and you will be fine, if, however, you become distracted, then there will be issues. For example, while your wife is trying on sandals, you should sit with her, not look at the two women trying on the thigh high boots. You’ll hear one of them boast, “with these I can defeat anyone,” which will be followed up with a number of karate moves. Yes, it is odd, but you need to be focussed on your wife because otherwise, if you just let your mind wonder unrestrained, you will end up walking a little too close and she will kick you with her new black boots right in the throat (those heels are sharper than they look).

The next store is the one you always go to when you need a new shirt for work. The advice from before applies here, stay focussed on your wife. She will be flicking through shirts for you, as she knows your size and taste, but if you let your mind wander, you will see a mannequin, she is dressed professionally, but you feel like she is looking at you. You should ignore it, but if you don’t, and you continue to think about why a mannequin is staring at you (it’s not), then you will find yourself going for a closer look. You will get close, your eye as close as it can get, before the disinterested casual worker asks you what you are doing. You will be scared, and flinch. You will fall and try to save yourself by grabbing the mannequin, but it will come down with you and land on top. That doesn’t kill you, but it seems the disinterested casual worker couldn’t get the mannequin to stop leaning, and so tied it to a whole freestanding shelf, and as the mannequin falls, it pulls the shelf down as well. Such a shame that on the very shelf is where they kept all the signed bowling balls from last year’s tournament. Stay focussed on your wife. 

The last shop is a general department store, the one where you always scan your pointless rewards card even though you worked out that it is basically a scam. Here your wife will pick out a few dresses and go to try them on. As she is trying them on, she asks you to go grab some items for her and, you should know this by now, you need to focus on her. The items she asked for were pink shorts and the dress she told you about earlier. When you find the pink shorts, remember her size, she has told you before. Bringing the wrong size will not make her happy, but it won’t kill you, but why make your wife unhappy? After that grab the dress that she mentioned, now I know you, and when you get there, you will have the urge to grab the cheaper one, do not do that, she asked for the expensive one. If you do, both you and your wife will suffer. You see, she will try it on, but the zipper will get stuck and she will, in a bit of a panic, ask for your help. You, seeing her panic, will try to quickly solve the problem by yanking the zipper up. This zips things that Gd did not design to be zipped. Your wife will scream, quite loudly, and this will deafen you momentarily, just enough for you to mishear her cries to stop, so you will try to pull the zipper free. What happens could only be described as a disaster. The zipper will break and you will be flung into the door and slam the back of your head against the clothes hook. Then, as there was a lot of screaming, the manager will kick the door down and you will go flying forward and smash headfirst into the mirror. The manager will see your wife in a ripped dress and your wife will see that he sees her and she will panic and go to slam the door shut. As this is happening you will have fallen backwards, and your head will be placed right where the door needs to be to be closed. Your wife will slam it shut, and the manager will pull it shut and your head… well it will not be a pretty sight.

So, as I have said, focus on your wife.

From Your Guardian Angel