18/09/2025

Hello there, I know you are in a rush, as your wife has decided to be spontaneous and take you to buy many things from a hardware store that is closing in five minutes. Listen to me, so that you not only buy all the items you need, but don’t die in the process. When you arrive, you will have exactly five minutes to buy all that you need, and you decide on the drive that you will divide the list in half. The first item that you are thinking of going for is the nails, but instead you should go and get the broom, trust me you will need it. From there, you will rush to get the bucket, and, on your way, there will be a pallet blocking the aisle. Your instinct will be to jump it, don’t. Your foot will catch the edge of the pallet, you will fall forward, and your neck will snap. Instead, just slide between the pallet and the shelf.

As you get into the bucket aisle, you will see the one your wife desires, that big black one, but you will also see how high it is. Now, again, your first instinct is to climb the shelf to reach it, as you are in a rush. If you do this, then you will reach the bucket, grab it and fall. Your fall, however, will not break your neck, instead, you will land on a box of metal stakes that are on the opposite side of the aisle, on the ground. You will be impaled, and it will be an unpleasant sight. This is why I told you to get the broom first, use it to hook the bucket safely from the ground.

From there you can go get the nails. Now, when you get to the aisle, you need to put the broom brush on the ground. This is because another rushing customer knocked a box of nails on the ground and in your rush, you have to opportunity to run, slip and land on your back. This would hurt, but not kill you, however as you fall you will instinctively reach out and grab the shelf, which will jolt so aggressively that the pitchforks fall from the top and impale themselves into your chest. Use the broom as you walk, brushing the nails out of your way, grab what you need and then go to the checkout, where your wife will be waiting. From there, you can safely exit and return home. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening and ignore the fact that you both have forgotten something and will need to go back tomorrow.

From Death