30/10/2025

Good morning, it is your day off and you are going for your much-needed haircut, as your wife joked, you are starting to look like a sheep. You will have three options, three different styles, three ways to die. The first choice is your regular, an old fashion gentleman in an old fashion barber. You like him because he always has interesting stories to tell, and he has a natural way of weaving jokes in. If you choose to go to him, then make sure you go in the morning, which will mean that you will have to give up on sleeping in, but it is important you go in the morning, for in the afternoon, the old fashion barber will begin training his young and trendy nephew. Where the old man is a samurai, the nephew is like a toddler. Your hair cut, which is meant to be the classic buzz cut, will become a wave, leaving your head looking like a field that has only been half ploughed. What the nephew does to your hair might be bad, but it is your beard that you should be concerned about. Where the old man would glide his blade, smoothly slicing the hair from your neck, the nephew has an unsteady hand and slices more than the hair. You will bleed out and the old fashion barber will be out of business.

The next option for you to consider is a new-age hairdresser, one who is happy to have walk-ins. It doesn’t matter when you go but which seat you sit. To begin with, the hairdresser will sit you on the left, but you want to sit anywhere but just say it is because of your star alignment, she will believe you. If you sit on the left, the hairdresser will begin cutting your hair, showing off her crystals and talking about her star sign. You will notice that one particularly large crystal sat at the top of a shelf directly above you, it is the one she is most proud of. She will begin to explain that it needs to be at a certain height to absorb the negative energy. As she explains this, she will kick the chair, spinning you in an artistic flare and your head will smack the shelf, knock the large crystal free and watch as it crushes your face.

Your last option is a barber that a friend from work bragged about, one that is quite expensive. For this option, you will be required to wait a while but once you get through, it is important that you do not go with the bald man, take the man with mullet or the one with grey hair. The reason for this is that the bald gentleman has a problem with anger and when you make an ill-advised but light-hearted reference to his quality as a barber, based on his own lack of hair, he snaps and takes a pair of scissors and stabs you in the chest. You might think to not make the reference, but he will become frustrated regardless as he makes a mistake and does the same thing. So, there are your options, old fashion, new age and expensive. Make your choice and follow my advice.

From Death